A few years ago, I asked a couple of my friends to describe me in one word. mind you this was an exercise I asked my team to do and I thought to myself, I want to know too! So I asked, and to my surprise most of them without hesitation said BUSY you are always busy.
Busy? really, is that how they see me though? I was surprised with the answer! when I look at myself in the mirror I see a lot of things but Busy was not one of those. Another really good friend said: you are like an ant, you never stop you are always working, and you are so fast and efficient, The word that describes you is an ant. Phew! At least she didn’t mean it because of my height lol
To be honest I kinda liked the NEVER stop and the ALWAYS working description.
If you think that those words made me stop or even sit back and realize that something was going on with the rush I was living. it didn’t.
It empowered me, made me work more and fed my workaholism and perfectionism even more; if you don’t know me that’s me, that is my flesh a go-getter no matter the time kind of girl.
I love to work, I love to be busy and not loose time, I enjoy to-do lists (Nothing wrong with To-do lists but when everything you do has to be on your list then trust me. there is a problem) but what I love the most about To do-lists is crossing each to do with a highlighter, that symbolizes victory in my book of productivity, Oh my Gosh I am literally smiling as I write this…
See, when there is not a healthy balance in an activity, it becomes toxic and it affects you and those around you, but in my case being productive, busy and making things happen (in every area of my life including to-do lists at home for my husband & kids) is something that society applauds and celebrates, Yes! I was making things happen but the days were passing by like a hurricane and when I will notice another project will come, another season will come, another year will pass where all I could think of was:
I need to be productive, I can’t loose time, I need to finish and then, I will stop and ask myself (for a second though) when is the next holiday to rest? funny as it sounds I lived and waited for the holidays to rest, and I am not exaggerating. My time to disconnect, to be still and do nothing (for a couple for hours only) was during the holidays! Do you feel the rush as you read this? Me too lol I feel tired remembering this season.
but then… God spoke to me.
Everyone has a different and unique relationship with God, and if there is anything I am passionate about and adore with everything I have is MY GOD and my time with him; for that, I had time or at least I thought I had, I will schedule time and most of the days were unmovable but it was on my time and my way, again me with my control and perfectionism that will kick in.
Until, there was a season where my time with him was dried, weird, almost non-existent it became another task and not a pleasurable time where I could just sit talk and listen to him, it was always a rush where I just wanted to get answers or vent quickly (To cross it on my To-do) I will get frustrated easily then I will feel guilty and the cycle will go on (I think all us have gone through those deserts, but remember is just a season)! back to my story, God is so so good and has so much grace it almost makes me want to cry again every time I think about this season; even with my huge imperfections, even though I was treating my time with him like another task on my to-do, He will still make me feel He was there listening or just patiently waiting for me.
One day in one of our “appointments” I remembered an amazing book I got the year I had my 2nd miscarriage (Another huge life altering season in my life) at a conference almost 6 years ago: From Hectic to Healthy by Craig Jutila (Totally recommended). I had read just the first 2 chapters and left it on my night stand… I had a feeling of God telling me, to go grab it again and read it. I started reading where I left of and quickly I was already in the second section amazed because I knew God was speaking to me.
Page 75 – 78 From Hectic to Healthy
“I found that multitasking was originally used as a computing term, It wasn’t until the 1990’s that the term was applied to people. The thing is computers don’t have feelings, carpools or kids, However, when a computer is doing more than it was designed for, it does two things: either (1) freezes up or (2) It crashes. It’s interesting that too much multitasking even on computers can lead to lockups, freezes or even crashes.
I believe the same is true with people” Pg 76 “Many years ago, no one had a watch but everybody had time. Today everyone has a watch but no one has time. We have lost the ability to shut down and reload” Pg 78 “The more I learn about multitasking the more I realize It’s not something I should be bragging about. Slowing down is being present at the moment and doing one thing well” want more?… Buy the book lol
The point is that as I read more and more I was convicted that my rush and busyness was not healthy and living my life waiting for holidays to then stop, slow down or simply enjoy the small things, plan unforgettable memories with my family it wasn’t “leaving to the fullest” it was just surviving.
That’s where this movement, this lifestyle, and mindset in my life begun. 2013 God told me: Steph treat all your days like a Holiday, and you will be able to enjoy, seize the moments, do one thing at a time and take one day at a time.
RELAX, breathe, sometimes you can say NO to projects and people and it is totally okay, you don’t need to be everywhere and with everyone and It is actually healthy. (at least for me)
It began… and when you read “began” it is literal.
I had no idea how to put boundaries, I kept on asking my self: When Is my flesh and when Is my Spirit convicting me to slow down? I will answer my self: But I don’t want to stop being efficient, I can’t just give in responsibilities! I have to work! I love to work! These were all my questions, my concerns, my thoughts… and I am sure that you are thinking the same. #Thestruggleisreal
It has been a long slow ride that I am still in, and to be honest I think I might ride it for the rest of my life but this is me. Today as I write this I feel happy, I feel like I have learned to try to do things in an excellent way and not beat myself out because it wasn’t perfect. Maybe this is not your main struggle in life, but whatever it is trust me, one of the roots is control (control your life, your future, your hurts) and something that I’ve learned is that control has the power to make you focus on what you don’t have, what you are missing, what you lack and that begins to be your focus to the point where you live on autopilot.
God did not create us to live a life full anxiety, rush and fatigue; He came and brought freedom, self-control, true happiness and so much more!
I want to invite you to ride with me and join the movement of living your everyday a holiday! Let’s enjoy our everyday and live life to the fullest, why wait for a tragedy, for pain or until Monday when you can start now?
Welcome to my blog! 😊